It doesn't leave much to the imagination. Everyone has crises of faith, everyone has these feelings; the job of a poet or writer is to express them in a way people marvel at and can also identify with.

Rather than just telling feelings like it's a grocery list, show the reader the feelings through a setting or story. Reveal the journey of a questioning soul down an empty street, past signs worn naked, people worn to unthinking vessels or worn right out of existence, into a church which might only be there because the narrator has been told it's there. Evoke the meaning and feelings using the character's surroundings. (The character may only be a shade of yourself, but that's where all fiction starts and ends anyway.)

A lot of the lines are just fragments. I can see what you're going for with the halting and the long linebreaks, the contemplation. The periods and broken sentences just make it difficult and distracting to follow. The long linebreaks are enough to convey the pause and pace you want.

Also, consider your adjectives carefully. Is it necessary to say the street is stationary? From experience the reader assumes it's a street like any other, stationary as stationary gets.

See what I'm getting at? Anyone can throw down a roster of emotions and conflicting thoughts; a skilled writer gets them across to the reader without having to state them outright.

Don't worry, this is the first rule a poet learns. Whether you learn it the easy way or the hard way is entirely up to how you proceed from this point.

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If I'm not writing, I'm just sitting here changing oxygen into carbon dioxide. Like a baby. A little shit and piss factory, maybe one day a man. Be a man today, motherfucker.

Thank you very much. This is exactly what I'm looking for so I know how to improve. Thanks again.

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Be

No prob, m8. Best of luck.

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If I'm not writing, I'm just sitting here changing oxygen into carbon dioxide. Like a baby. A little shit and piss factory, maybe one day a man. Be a man today, motherfucker.